How to Gracefully Resign

In the intricate puzzle of an engineering career, resignations are like edge pieces. They define boundaries, transitions, and set the stage for the next phase. While every career move is consequential, resignations carry the unique challenge of balancing personal aspirations with professional obligations.

If only resignations were easy. It is an awkward conversation for both the manager and the person resigning. In an attempt to avoid the awkwardness, people tend to delay the conversation. This usually ends in one of 3 ways:

• Do you have another job lined up?
  • It is a ticking time-bomb: you push it until the last minute, have a poorly thought out conversation with the manager, give little to no notice period and jump ship
• Are you unhappy in your current position?
  • Your morale and interest keeps dropping, your work output is at an all-time low, your manager notices this and this keeps spiraling down until you may be let go
  • Start talking to your peers about your intent to quit. Then, it somehow reaches the ears of your manager. You realize you made a mistake but eventually convince yourself you were about to tell them anyway. (Strict NO: make sure your direct manager is the first to know about you considering resigning and not from anyone else in the team. )

Approaching a resignation

One piece of counsel I consistently offer is- prioritize parting on positive terms. Regardless of personal grievances, dissatisfaction, or your sentiments towards your current role or management, it's essential.

You might be tempted to exit with a grand gesture of defiance. Yet, more often than not, such actions rebound on the individual, not the organization. Whether it's you or your prospective employer, interactions with your previous company for references or other necessities might arise. Remember, in the professional realm, word travels fast and reputations matter.

The Right Mindset for Employees

Navigating a resignation requires both foresight and empathy. Your mindset during this phase can significantly impact the future trajectory of your professional journey. Here's how to shape your approach:

If you’ve been fortunate to have a supportive manager, consider this an opportunity to reciprocate. Aim to ensure that your departure doesn't become a hurdle for them. Think about the tasks, the roles you play, and how best you can transition them to maintain continuity.

If your experience with your manager hasn't been particularly positive, it’s still prudent to adopt a professional stance. A minimum notice of two weeks is generally considered standard. This duration offers a buffer, enabling you to methodically transition tasks, ensuring no abrupt disruptions.

This two-week period also grants management the space to navigate their emotions, stemming from the Kübler-Ross cycle, moving towards eventual "acceptance" of your decision.

While guidelines and best practices are valuable, your unique circumstances should dictate your course of action. If you feel that an immediate exit is essential for your well-being or other reasons, trust your instincts. Your mental and emotional well-being should always be paramount.

Laying the Groundwork

Preparation is Key! Before diving into the conversation, arm yourself with clarity and confidence. Script your thoughts meticulously and rehearse it—be it in front of a mirror or with close friends and trusted mentors. Aim for conciseness while retaining sincerity. An example could be:

After considerable reflection on both my personal journey and professional aspirations, I've made the decision to move forward. It wasn’t a decision taken lightly, and I deeply value the experiences, teachings, and memories accrued here. My goal is to facilitate a transition that's as seamless as possible for all involved.

Steer clear of initiating this pivotal conversation via email, or worse, an impromptu Slack message. Such conversations demand the gravitas and immediacy of a direct one-on-one interaction, either in-person or over a call. Once this conversation takes place, an official email can serve as a formal follow-up. This methodical approach underscores the significance of being well-prepared.

Prepping your Manager

I recommend giving the manager a "heads-up". If you are struggling to switch to the topic of your resignation try the following:

Signal the Talk: It's helpful to give your manager an inkling that you wish to discuss something substantial. A spontaneous request for a 1-on-1 is a good start. If they're available right away, be prepared to delve into the topic. If not, ensure you don't postpone it beyond 24 hours. Delaying could inadvertently escalate anxiety on their end due to the unexpected nature of the request. It's akin to a band-aid—sometimes it's kinder to be swift.

Structured 1-1 Sessions: If your conversation coincides with a routine 1-1 check-in, make it a practice to chart out a discussion map at the outset. For instance, I typically begin with, "Today, I aim to cover the progress on Project A, insights regarding team member B, address request C, and discuss a few personal points." This 'personal points' segment could encompass a myriad of topics, from leave applications, specific concerns, or, as in this scenario, your resignation. Often, managers reciprocate by outlining their discussion points, ensuring a structured, comprehensive dialogue.

The conversation

As you broach this pivotal conversation, lead with clarity, and stay true to your rehearsed points. Be direct and heartfelt. Understand that as you deliver your message, a whirlwind of thoughts will likely engulf your manager. After going through your rehearsed lines, pause. This grants them a moment to digest and react.

Subsequently, brace yourself to field an array of queries. Some potential ones include:

• "Why now?"
• "Have you committed to a new position elsewhere?"
• "What can I offer to persuade you to remain? A salary adjustment? A team change? A step up the ladder?"

If your decision is final, respond with grace, but remain resolute in your stance.

Upon addressing the preliminary questions, propose reconvening in a day or two to delve into the specifics of your departure. Remember, your resignation announcement will catalyze a series of actions from your manager's end (which we'll explore in the 'manager's mindset' segment). However, it's vital to grant them a buffer period to come to terms with your decision, steering the conversation toward a constructive resolution.

Bracing for Potential Backlash

It's natural for many to dread adverse reactions during the resignation discussion. Comments like, "After all the resources and time we've invested in you, this is your decision?" can emerge, complicating an already delicate conversation. There might also be concerns about a potentially uncomfortable environment during your notice period.

However, the guiding star should be your commitment to professionalism and transparency. While you can't predict or control your manager's response, you can ensure that your approach is respectful and thoughtful. Here are some strategies:

1. Empathy is Essential: Understand that a manager's emotional response could arise from the unexpected nature of the news, the disappointment of losing a team member, or the impending challenges of handling the aftermath. Approach the conversation with compassion.
2. Reiterate Your Gratitude: Stress the value you place on the learning and opportunities the organization has offered. Make it clear that your choice is anchored in personal and professional growth, and is not a reflection on the company's inadequacies.
3. Stay Steady: In the face of resistance or displeasure, remain poised. Reaffirm your dedication to a seamless handover and articulate your reasons without entering into a confrontation.
4. Plan for a Follow-Up: As suggested earlier, request a separate follow-up call a day or two later can help alleviate this situation. This not only gives your manager time to process the information but also diminishes the potential for immediate adverse reactions. Keeping the initial conversation brief and focused on the primary message—your decision to resign—can help manage emotions and expectations.
5. Seek Higher Guidance if Necessary: If post-resignation, the atmosphere turns markedly hostile, consider addressing your apprehensions with HR or upper management.

Employee's Departure Playbook

As you navigate the final stretch of your tenure, having a structured departure checklist can ensure a seamless transition for both you and the organization. Here's a playbook to guide you:

1. Documentation Diligence: Catalog every project you've been a part of, ensuring all aspects are meticulously documented. Make sure your code repositories, project files, and related documents are up-to-date and easily accessible.
2. Transition Tactics: Engage in handover sessions, passing on the baton of your duties and responsibilities to designated teammates. Offer insights, share potential challenges, and suggest solutions based on your experience.
3. Housekeeping Habits: Review all your projects and files. Deprecate or archive projects and documents that have become redundant or obsolete. Ensure clarity and accessibility for future references or potential revivals.
4. Communication Commitment: Initiate 1-on-1 interactions with individuals you've closely collaborated with during your stint. Prioritize conversations with peers and upper-management, expressing gratitude, sharing feedback, and addressing any potential concerns. These dialogues offer closure, foster goodwill, and set the stage for potential future collaborations.

Post-Departure

Taking the leap to resign often feels like standing at the precipice of change — filled with anticipation, reflection, and a myriad of emotions. As you transition, it's essential to recognize the dual responsibility: honoring your personal and professional growth while ensuring a smooth baton-pass to those who continue the journey. Resignations are more than just farewells to roles; they're a testament to the relationships forged, lessons learned, and the legacy one leaves behind. As you stand on this juncture, remember it's not just about the destination ahead but also the footprints you leave behind.